Old Poems, Diary Pages
Childhood Soliloquies
Dear one with a broken heart
I know why you cry
I know why you feel so hurt
You have wings, yet you do not fly
You question your strength and doubt your mind
Trying so hard to put an end… to
Your pain and your thoughts you always hide
Making more that never seems to mend
Dear one with a broken smile
I know why you stumble and fall
I know of all the twists and turns in the mile
Your feet are unstable, but your strong hands have built a wall
Trying to tear it down and wanting to be free
Your fear of failure and fear of pain
Will forever shame you away from ME
Causing you to not recognize your own name
Dear one with a broken soul
I know of your weaknesses
I know why you feel so torn
Gullible and desperate you fall for the things anyone says
Trying to stand your ground
Wondering what life will bring
So often being pushed around
You’re always running away to avoid the sting
Dear one with a broken hand
Trying to mend all that went wrong
I see your struggle to stand
Asking when it will be and for how long
Pondering your worth
Assuming you will always fail
But I’m the one who’s known you since birth
And with my help you will prevail.
Dear one with a broken dream
I know of what you fear
Falling to the ground it will always seem
But by your side I will be near
I will help you in the hard times
Even in the happiness — know I will always be there
When the world cheats and lies
My voice you will be sure to hear
Dear child with an open wound
I know of what you need
Understand you are the one I love
With me you are sure to succeed
Past you troubles you will find
The peace I’ve been wanting to show
The wings that will help you fly
Over the deep oceans of secrets to the places you long to go
The answers are in me
Trust in my words — that I will lead you
To everything in yourself you’ve wanted to see
You will finally realize the truth -
It’s Yourself!
It’s been in you all this time!
A letter you once inspired from your mother, words instead from your future self — the woman you always needed/wanted to be.
Now are!
The woman you now are!
Realizing it was you all along.
All these people you once were conditioned to believe in
Were actually those you would take inspiration…
Not in arrogance or distain
Not in chronic, continual pain
Or forever bitterness
But finally in compassion
That they made you who you are
In all their flaws and their own despair…
They did their best
And after all the years of unrest
You can finally admit
That you could not have been you
Without their willingness to submit
To the way things are
And the puzzle piece fit..?
It’s been a while since I dreamed
Since I had a dream
A while since I smiled
A long while since I laughed until my belly ached.
It’s been a while since I felt free
Since I truly felt alive
Not just existing in a trance
Or lost so deeply in thoughts.
It’s been a while since I breathed
Since I exhaled
The weight of the world
And the lingering pressure on my chest.
It’s been a while since there was purpose
Since I felt reason within
A fire in my soul
The strongest will in any direction.
It’s been a while since I felt beauty
Since I felt valued
But the last time I thought –
I put more on an assignment from someone else.
It’s been a while since I was loved
Until I loved myself — I lit a fire within
And never felt such incredible humbled humility
From a lifetime of decided and deliberate diffidence
Only to turn around and wonder why.
I’ve finally decided differently!
I let myself be wild again
I let myself feel beautiful
I freed myself to dream impossibly,
Unmistakably
Unprohibited.”
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