Romantic Soliloquies

“Letters to my younger self”

Dear younger me,

I wanted to start writing these letters to prepare you for some things you’ll face in your life. Unfortunately, no matter what I write in these letters will be able to change any of it or stop it from happening… At least you’ll know going into it that it’s not because the Universe hates you — on the contrary, all of this will in fact be happening for you so you can ultimately be the person you are today!

First thing I want to talk to you about because I know you’re getting antsy right about now: Be aware of these three boys you’ll be dating in your future!

Yup, you read that right — BOYS — Not Men! That’s the biggest thing you should pay attention to when dating them for all the reasons I’m about to list.

Yes, they’re all going to be charming; they’ll give you butterflies; they’ll make you feel like you want to write songs and poetry; and make you start day dreaming about your baby announcement pictures… But, these three aren’t the one! *Trust me that you will date more than just these three. These three are just the three make the biggest impression that you need to pay the most attention to what you’ll learn! We’ll get to other things later.*

First guy you’ll date: the High School hottie

You’ll meet him at your first job when you’re only 18. He’ll be the first boy to ever really like you. He’s got that shaggy dirty blonde hair that sweeps over his hazel blue brooding eyes. He’s tall! He’s the kind of guy you know will drive your parents crazy.

“He’s perfect,” you’ll think.

Why he’s not the one:

You’re a little older than him, so he’ll start to see you in terms of what you can do for him that he can’t do for himself. You’re 18 so you can buy him cigarettes. You have your license and a car so you can drive him where he needs to go (even though he’ll try to package it up as if it’s a couple’s thing you both want to do).

Why you’ll be thankful for this experience:

This boy will teach you how to establish boundaries for yourself. Because you’ve never had the chance to understand what it means to love yourself for who you are… You’re going to fall for the first one who shows you any possibility of love.

I’m not trying to tell you it’s not real. Even being so young, you’re going to feel some very deep emotions, and because it’s the first time — it is going to be very real for you.

Things will inevitably fall apart though. When they do, you’re going to be heart broken. Then later, other things will happen and you’ll come to learn something you didn’t know that will truly devastate you.

What’s important to understand though is that none of it is your fault or anything you deserve! Please, remember that!

Okay, so now the second guy you’ll date: the right guy at the worst possible time.

You’re older now, and you’ve been through some hard times. You aren’t really looking for a relationship because you’re a bit jaded from the first guy.

This guy will show up though and he will be super cute! He’ll have that charisma that the high school hottie didn’t have. He’s older than you so you know he’s more mature. He was on the football team when he was in high school. So he’s Strong! He’s got a deep masculine voice; will serenade you when you’re in the car together when he’s really feeling a song that comes on the radio. He’s affectionate. All around a genuine soul that loves to see you smile! You’ll soak up every minute.

Why he’s not the one:

You’ll just be coming out of a really difficult time. And you’ll meet this guy when he’s just about to go through a really difficult time. As soon as you get together, his life will literally turn upside down. He’ll shut down and pull away from you because he won’t know how to handle things. Your heart will be broken again when you learn that he’s given up. You’ll try to build that trust back up again, but by then there will have been too much for your heart to bear.

Why you’ll be thankful for this experience:

Before all of this happens, you’ll get a glimpse of the life you want with a partner. A life that is happy and goofy and silly and serious and straightforward all at the same time. For a time, you will be able to lean on each other to help each other heal from certain things. One thing you will have to remember — again — it’s not your fault. And, love unfortunately had nothing to do with it. It wasn’t because you didn’t love him enough or that he didn’t love you enough. Please remember that things just aren’t meant to be sometimes and it’s not up to you to carry some one else’s burden.

Now, the third guy. (Sigh) This guy — this one will hurt 100 times more than the previous two… This is the guy who makes you feel alive and 100% yourself for the first time in your life!

This guy is one that you never even would have considered dating at first. He’s the guy that was incredibly charming and an easy flirt, but no one you would have thought you’d actually date. That is … until he started flirting back. It will have been a long time since you’d had any real attention from anyone new in a long time. It’ll take you completely by surprise. You’ll turn it down for a while, and the two of you will play cat and mouse for a while.

He’s Completely different from the previous two. He’s got hair as long as yours. But you’ll imagine getting your hands tangled in it… He’s got the widest smile and the most endearing expression on his face when he laughs. He’s got strong, broad shoulders to make that perfect masculine inverted triangle figure.

He’s silly and he makes you feel like you can just be comfortable and relaxed with him. There’ll be no need to overthink this at all.

Why he’s not the one:

He will break your heart, because he will tell you early on that he wants all the things you want. He’ll mention all those things first — wanting the white picket fence, let’s grow old together kind of fairy tale type of love! You’ll eat it up because that’s exactly what you want. He’ll say all the right things that you’ve been dying to hear; he’ll treat you the way you’ve always dreamed someone would treat you — and he actually says he wants to treat you this way because he knows you deserve to be.

Maybe read that again if you need to… Do you notice a pattern?

He says all the right things… but both of you know he’s not ready to actually give you all of those things. You’ll notice all the red and yellow flags early on, but you won’t have ever felt like you laughed as hard, felt emotions as strongly… Felt more alive than you will with him. So you’ll ignore them. He will try and you will be happy — so incredibly happy — happier than you’ve been in a long time. And it is truly because you’ve opened up completely.

Why you’ll be thankful for this experience:

You’ll start to feel him pull away. He’ll stop making an effort for things he once did. Like date nights. He’ll stop being… in the mood… He’ll stop having any real conversation with you and will deflect when you try. He’ll stop trying because he won’t know how to talk about what he’s actually thinking or feeling.

When you finally call him out, he’ll even try to say:

“This isn’t the right time or place to talk about this.”

When you keep pushing, “Do you want to take a break?”

Silence.

You know what he’s about to say…

“That wouldn’t be a bad idea.”

Okay, he needs some time. You’ll give it to him, because you love him. Then he’ll lead you on for a month before finally ending it.

Younger Me — please, please, please — understand this: Someone can want certain things, but that doesn’t mean they’re ready for it at that time. You’re not going to understand this. You’re going to be so confused, and you’re going to replay everything in your mind for things you may have done wrong. You’re going to wonder why you’re unlovable, how could he just change his mind, what was it about you that made him change his mind about loving you…? Why you’re not enough?

It will rip you to shreds.

But it has nothing to do with you!

None of this has anything to do with you. Even now while writing this letter, you haven’t found the right guy yet. And you’re still confused sometimes, and you’re still sad sometimes. But these lessons and this heartbreak are showing you how to

1.) Set your boundaries,

2.) Give yourself time to heal

3.) Truly love/be yourself!

I hope you remember this,

Until next time when I tell you a little bit more of what’s to come.

Love,

Your future self!